I spent a good portion of my life believing that church was for do-gooders trying to out do-good one another. It was not uncommon to hear me say, "God knows where my heart is, I don't need to go to church to prove anything to anyone."
I was really missing out, and didn't even know it!
In fact, my stand-offish view on church was a pretty good reflection of my relationship with God, and my ability to communicate with Him. Yet, I was always wondering why I didn't have that closer relationship, why I didn't feel the "connection" that so many others described. I spent a lot of years confused and angry that I couldn't have THAT. Frankly, it kind of was a cycle of degeneration--attend church, no connection, be cynical about church, repeat.
It was not until I was sufficiently (and at least initially--quite involuntarily) humbled that my views and my results began to change a bit.
When my marriage and life blew up, I immediately sought refuge and comfort anywhere that I could find it, and an important place for that comfort became church--specifically Rocky Mountain Christian Church. For several months, there were many weeks that the only time I felt peace, calm, and connection with others was in the hour or so on Sundays, and the hour or so of men's group on Thursday nights. Just typing this, I remember the knot in my stomach that I had when men's group would be cancelled, or when something else kept me from being able to attend. It was absolutely awful.
In the last 6 weeks or so, I've not been attending church. We were out of town several weekends in a row, and I was working with a flight instructor who was available on Sunday mornings, so I took advantage of the opportunity. I've also had a rough patch of business life for the better part of the summer. Again, another bit of a cycle of degeneration, and I didn't even notice it happening.
Today, a couple of important things happened...Out of "nowhere" one of my 12-step partners dropped into the shop today to get a flat repair and say hello. Immediately, I swelled with emotion, gratitude, and appreciation for where and how my life is. We hugged, chatted, and went on after just a few minutes, but not without me telling him how significant it was to see him today. I've been up and down, but more or less down, for a number of weeks...seeing him didn't just bring me some positivity, it also reminded me of where I've been, and how thankful I am to no longer be there!
I absolutely PEAKED, though, when I stepped into the building at Rocky this afternoon. Instantly, my peace, my joy, my very soul was rejuvenated...and that was before I said a word to anyone. I had stopped by because I agreed to participate in a quick video testimony of my mission trip experience-- just a quick 50-60 seconds of thoughts, repeated a half a dozen times until it made enough sense to be usable. Just in and out, doing my part. After my experience Some hugs, some conversations, some fellowship. WOW, I didn't even realize how much I had missed it!
My man Zig Ziglar used to say that motivation isn't permanent--and neither is bathing; hence, both should be repeated often, even perhaps daily.
I'd say the same applies for fellowship. Fellowship, particularly positive Christian fellowship builds me up, even when there is no agenda, no stated purpose, no plan. I just can't describe adequately how different my day was after leaving Rocky today. An hour, tops. Brief conversations with 3 people. Basic, simple, positive energy and fellowship. That whole Matthew 18:20 thing. The presence of God. Acknowledging and celebrating him, even just by being there. Awesome.
I've tried to make strides in this arena. I've forced myself to be more "friendly". I've even gone as far (mentioned in a couple previous posts), as to literally ask a couple of great guys to be my friends. It might sound silly, but I truly crave the energy that is produced when I make myself humble and vulnerable enough to let others in for a while.
I wonder if I could convince a couple of decision makers at church to focus another teaching series on this concept...fellowship, recharging, building and holding one another up. Soaking up the good that God has to give. Refilling our basket so that we can go back out and share with others.
Anyway, that's what I'm thinking about tonight. My rambling, my head clearing. Thanks for letting me share.
Blessings.
