Some of you recently heard about my quest to get a deadbeat customer to pay a bill that was owed. The total was (is) $82.30. We're certainly not going to go broke by not collecting. However, the lady was rude and lied repeatedly to my staff, hung up on them, lied some more, etc. When I got involved, I was pretty blunt--pay your bill, or I'll seize your car. Colorado gives us the right (by statute, no less) to do just that.
We've played thrust, dodge, parry for the better part of a few months now.
Last night, driving home with Heidi from a wonderful evening Christmas show, my thoughts turned to this lady. It made me mad. How dare she? Why cheat us? What did I do to her? If you're broke, why keep lying to me? I was ready to go over to her house at 9pm last night to see if her car was there so I could tow it.
And...then it hit me. Wow, I gave this lady and her $82.30 a lot of power over ME. Today, I announced to the guys that I was going to send her a Christmas card. I didn't get it done today, but it will go out tomorrow. I'm going to tell her this, verbatim:
Bridgette,
I'm very disappointed that you have never kept your word and paid the debt that you owe for the services you were provided. I'm certain that we fulfilled our end of the agreement, yet you have dodged, lied about, and ducked responsibility for your end of the deal. I'm sure you have legitimate financial difficulties, but there are legitimate, honest ways of dealing with that. Regardless, I'm done chasing you. Your debt is forgiven in full. I hope someday you get your act together and feel compelled to do something to help someone else, or show some compassion when someone wrongs you.
Merry Christmas,
Scott
I think a few of my guys were shocked, a few might have been mildly impressed. Me? I told them it was time. There is a difference between tenacious pursuit of justice and what is right, and the toxic anger and bitterness that this became in me. She doesn't deserve that, and I'm not going to allow it. I've dealt with much worse, and come through it better...
So, I did the selfish thing. I forgave her. Literally forgave the debt, and forgave her for how she handled it. I'm all done. I certainly didn't do it to make her feel better, I did it for me. It was, after-all, the best thing I could do for me. Sometimes, the selfish move is the right one.
I may see her somewhere, or see her car. I might think about her when I am driving down the road, or randomly some day at work. I might have to forgive her again. A very wise, tall, cowboy buddy of mine told me this: Sometimes you have to give something to God and let it go...and when it comes back, you have to do it again. And again. And again. Or, as us 12 steppers say, "Fake it 'till you make it!"
I continue to look at life through the perspective of how bad things can and have been, and I'm often making comparisons and analyzing things.
There's a lot of stuff in a lot of relationships--business relationships, friendships, marriages, former marriages--lots of toxic, yucky, stuff. That stuff can bring you down, BIG time! My advice? Do the selfish thing, forgive that person, move on. Much of that stuff, I've found I'm not big enough to forgive on my own. Surrounding myself with people who help me understand the power of God's grace helps remind me that I'll never be big enough--after all, I'm a greedy, selfish, self-centered guy!
Forgiveness is a process, it's an attitude, and I'm TRYING to make it a lifestyle--a philosophy if you will. Recognizing my own selfish nature, and FEEDING it with the selfish act of forgiveness seems to help.
Now, go forgive someone...go do something selfish. Do it for you. You'll appreciate it...and you might be surprised at what comes back around...
p.s.
Part of being a successful business person is being a good steward of that which my family and my God have entrusted me with. I believe I will continue to struggle, and will share the struggles, of balancing my natural tendencies, my felt responsibilities, the expectations of others, and my faith. I'm glad God's so powerful, 'cause most of this stuff is way over MY head!
Scott
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