Arguing with myself...

One of the cool things about "free writing" to clear my brain, is I don't make any rules, I don't edit (much), and I rarely proofread all the way through before hitting the publish button.  I think raw=real, mistakes and all.

Often, though, I do fail to "complete the circle" and finish a point that I started.  Weird huh?  Just like trying to have a conversation with me...

So, in interest of personal growth and improvement, here's my responses to my own issues I brought up yesterday:

1.) For the group of 15 of us to take part in this trip, approximately $45,000 was raised/spent on travel and expenses.  I'm no developing country scholar, but my math tells me that this amount of money could go a long way without my international flight costs digging into it.  You get the idea, the money was a real struggle for me.  Not raising it, not giving it up to go, but I couldn't help but feel like a bit of an arrogant jerk to be spending that kind of coin to go first hand and gawk at people who were struggling for bare necessities.

Later in my dialogue, I addressed how utilitarian we are as Americans, how we want to see a return on our investment.  In a way, that's comical, when I examine the waste and stupid things I've done financially, but the point is still there.  Here's what I think now:

I have seen how, and where, the accounting is done at the children's center.  Not only is the accounting meticulous, it's clear that the culture in the organization is to be excellent stewards of the money that they receive.  I saw this in our entire trip, and while the staff certainly went out of their way to make sure we were comfortable, it wasn't over the top, in my opinion.

A flip side of the comfort question is this: how effective would a mission be to drag a bunch of pampered Americans down, wear them out physically, mentally, and emotionally, and then make them sleep in discomfort, eat food that makes their stomachs ill, etc.?  For me?  I'd kinda dig it.  For most, not so much.  After a day or two of that, there might not be enough "blessing" to go around. Just being real.

Next, there is certainly value (and Compassion and other organizations know it, it just makes business sense) in having folks witness first-hand what is happening in the children's centers, and how the money is being utilized.  It's going to cost money to have people see this, but the return, I can only imagine, is enormous.  I know how I've preached about what I saw--heck, I'm writing this, and arguing with myself...the future investment in the area, I believe, depends at least in part on folks getting boots on the ground and seeing what is happening.

Third, and maybe most important, there is an immeasurable change in the perspective of those who attend a short term mission trip.  I believe that this is the intangible good that comes out of the trip, and may not even ever effect the actual area that was being served.  How can we know the future effect of an 18 year old (or 50 year old) who's life is irreversibly altered by their experience on such a trip?  How can one try to put a dollar figure on that?  I would submit, you can not.

2.) Work projects:  I chose my trip, or allowed it to choose me, because I felt something a little mysterious brewing under the surface.  We weren't painting a church, we weren't building a house, we weren't digging a well...we were just going to be present.  That appealed very much to me.  See, cynical me believes that painters should paint, and builders should build, and well drillers should drill--I come from a construction background, and I can assure you--every time I've had a well-intention-ed but unskilled person want to "help", my projects take longer, frustrate me more, and too often end up completed in a substandard way.  Besides, if unemployment or underemployment is a major issue in an area, why the heck would I be down there working for free instead of taking some of my mission money and hiring some local laborers to do the same thing?  Hmmm.

The issue of work projects will continue to be a hard nut for me to crack.  I do believe, however, that I have had my eyes opened enough, and God has provided enough wisdom in me, for me to acknowledge that I don't even know what I don't know.  I have not participated in a work-project mission.  I know people who have.  I have family that just did.  Great for them!  I can't imagine that they possibly flew across the globe and participated in a project and came back unchanged.

There are some practical considerations that I still struggle with, but seeing what I address in my paragraph above about perspective and future impact--I'm gonna shut my mouth and leave this one alone.  If someone is passionate about work projects, and they are connected with an organization that is in tune with making that happen, then my approval and commentary is not required, nor has it been requested.

3.) What am I going to do anyway?  Since we weren't building something, and I doubted that the majority of the folks we would contact would be running a business and desirous of my vast management skills to be consulted upon, what the heck was I going to do for a week in a country where I BARELY understand the language, and know nothing of the culture?


I have to admit, this is the weakest argument I had, but also one that I hear the most.  The self-deprecating, poor me, I'm not good enough, Zacchaeus argument just really doesn't fly.

Seriously, how can we truly as Christians, as children of God, actually believe this for more than about 15 seconds?  A basic tenant of our beliefs is that we were created with purpose, with worth, and that God loved and believed enough in us to sacrifice his Son for us.  Um, we can probably handle a few awkward moments until we see where we fit in the puzzle.

As one of my heros, Zig Ziglar said, "You were designed for accomplishment, engineered for success, and endowed with the seeds of greatness!"

How about going out at sharing that?

Conclusion

I don't have all the answers, nor do I pretend to.  I like to throw things out there because they are spinning in my head, and if they make other people think, then COOL.  If not, I'm just another crackpot on the internet spouting off--there's plenty of room for all of us.

There should be no doubt that I've "drank the kool-aid" with regard to relationship based missions, and my support of my Compassion child, family, and neighborhood.  As I told Fernando, I'm all in. Bring on the next adventure.  Or, as you could read about in an earlier blog...DO IT AGAIN!