More John Wayne and Jesus...

Oh...the things that get my mind churning.  A good friend of mine shares his daily devotional reading, sometimes with some commentary by text message each morning.  A few days ago, it was Proverbs 1:7, "The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge; but fools despise wisdom and instruction."  Followed by, quoting the character Mattie Ross to Marshal Rooster Cogburn (the movie), "What have you gained when you have bested a fool?"

All the spinning together...a sermon about getting out of your comfort zone in order to do God's work.  Not questioning what you don't know, but obeying what you do, and giving God the space to do the rest.

Ever walk into someone's house and wonder how they deal with that SMELL? Or pull into your driveway and see stuff in your neighbor's yard that is an eyesore and has been there for months? Easy, right? We've all been there. But, most of us are not aware enough to notice those same issues in our own houses.

In two very unique and seemingly different ways, one business and one personal, I've been experiencing this on an extreme level lately. I feel a blog post coming on...


A story about my Pastor's experience as a young man with a woman from another Christian denomination who treated him like a leper because his church had...gasp...MUSIC!  A reminder of the confusion of growing up in a methodist church and a fundamentalist southern baptist school.  (Thanks mom and dad, you WONDER why I'm messed up?)  A reminder that we're all messed up.  Reminders of my days freshly sober, listening to the "Me Too" message at another local church.  Realizing, that my screw ups are no more righteous and no less sinful than the next guy.  Remembering, for some reason, the men's breakfast I went to a week after Heidi left me, literally crying out for help, and watching these guys, some of them married 10, 20, 30 and more years, talk about their marriage like it was a joke.  Everything funny.  One big sitcom.  I left SO angry and discouraged.

Realizing that pride, arrogance, and ego are all exhibited differently by different people, but that in all of us, they block the relationship with God that I've spent nearly all my life seeking.

A phone call from a friend who recently was destroyed by a divorce.  Another friend dealing with work problems in a very public arena, diligently trying to do the right thing.  A request for an opinion from another, a request for assistance.

My divorced friend was introduced to me very shortly after Heidi and I halted the legal process (a week before our divorce was to be final, for those of you who don't know) and started trying to put things back together.  He had been down a similar path as me...some substance abuse issues, lack of paying attention at home, complacent, lazy, husband-ship...until his wife left.  I remember the first time we talked, how ANGRY he was, what a victim he was, and how wrong she was to do this to him.  Basically, he was ME, 6 months earlier, and I was looking in a mirror at all the denial and anger and hurt and pride that destroyed my marriage.

I made it clear that I was not one to provide advice.  We connected on a lot of levels, and I think at least on the surface, he was genuinely interested in what I had to say.  The only advice I had was BE WRONG!  Be ok being WRONG! Be humble, be WRONG!  Not be a doormat, at least not for long, but be WRONG until you and her both believe you.  It hurts, it hurts like hell.  It SUCKS, especially when, as happened to both of us, those admissions of being wrong get used against you in court, and are used like weapons to attack to the very core of a man--and take his children away.  Yeah, it sucked.  Bad.  Bad, bad. Bad.  I haven't decided yet if I'll ever go back and look at my facebook archives from that period in my life.  I saved them.  I even backed them up just in case.  Not for any purpose other than this--to remind me.  To remind ME how my arrogant, stubborn, ass of a self could take something so incredible and foul it up so badly.

My friend may read this blog, so I'm not saying anything I wouldn't say to him...and I'm curious if he'll ever be able to dig deep and consider that what I'm about to say is as true for him as it was for me...Fighting to be right nearly cost me everything, and did cost him virtually everything.

I don't remember the exact topic...but I know we had a long conversation one time about what his attorney wanted him to do, and his conflict with what he thought was the RIGHT thing to do.  His attorney won.  The attorney won that battle with him, and won all the way to the bank, taking my friend's money, while encouraging him to fight for what he was "entitled" to, instead of fighting for what was right.  A chance to suck it up and swallow some pride ended in a war that was waged in battles that sound like they were so fierce, even when he won, he lost.  And he lost.  His marriage.  His kids.  His bank accounts.  Somewhere along the line, his job.  His house.  The equity from the house that used to be theirs.  Bad advice.  Choices.  Consequences.

I don't know if his marriage could have been saved.  I don't know details, and I never knew his wife.  But I know that fighting for stuff, fighting to fight, and fighting to win for only the sake of ensuring someone else LOSES...that never, EVER has a good end.  Thankfully, I got my butt spiritually, financially, emotionally, kicked hard enough fairly early in that game, that I decided the only fight I wanted to take on was fighting to attempt to save my marriage.  Those of you who were around though, you know I didn't come to that conclusion without a lot of guidance, and a LOT of self-inflicted pain and misery!

My opinion, because of pride, anger, hurt, arrogance, and lack of obedience to God.  The same stuff that puts us all down the wrong road.  I don't care if you're a drunk, and adulterer, just a mean bitter person, or if you think you've got it all together.  Your looking down your nose at my problems is just as screwed up as the problem I'm facing.

BOOM!  Like a ton of bricks, I hung up the phone with him and it hit me...Heidi and I haven't been all rainbows and unicorns lately.  I've been distracted, aloof, irritable, selfish...all those things I busted my ass to do to prove to her our marriage was the (second) most important thing in my life...I sure made those a big deal 18 months ago.  What about now?  I believe I'm looking into that distant mirror again...

That's a reality check.

My fingers are tired, but suffice it to say, that almost the exact same thing has happened, in the SAME WEEK on a business level.  I've had the opportunity to explore and be quite vocal about the warts, shortcomings, and disappointments in a friend of mine's business.  I've attempted to (mostly) respectfully try to offer up suggestions and useful commentary, but also realized just how easy it is to be critical of the issues in somebody else's house.  The solutions are black and white, the problems are distinct and just require action.  Come on, ACT!

I thought about that a lot last night and this morning.  I'm thankful God put it on my heart to actually put things in the perspective of MY marriage, of MY business, and then rethink them.

Funny, the solutions get grayer, the problems get less definitive, the action more difficult.

I spent a lot of time trying really hard to apply this "lens" to my business today.  There were, and will continue to be, some ugly things that need to be addressed.  Some conversations that aren't fun, some situations I really didn't want to acknowledge, let alone deal with.  But, I'm proud to say I started.  I started, and was up front with my guys as to why I'm stirring things up when they are pretty good...it's because I want us to be REALLY good.  I need to stir up my marriage a bit too, have some fun...so I'm going to do that this week too.

One of my favorite quotes has always been an old Will Rogers quote...often attributed to my dad, (because I write all his material! haha!) "Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there."  So...some days we'll back up and re-evaluate, some days we'll charge forward, and others, we'll just plod along happy that we're here.  I'm good with that.

I texted my friend a couple of times today, he never responded.  He might have been busy applying action...or he might have just been plain pissed off at my simplistic, easy, solutions to all that woes his world.  I hope he calls me soon, though.  I truly want to thank him for accelerating this very positive journey for me, and offer him some encouragement and support on his!  Perspective is a very powerful tool.

Next time you see your neighbor's trash can out front three days after the trash comes (don't send him a letter, THANKS P.R. HOA), there's no problem offering to take it back behind the fence for him...but you probably want to check and make sure yours hasn't been sitting there even longer...

Blessings,
Scott

God doesn't give you more than you can handle...or does He?

--I revived this from one my recent Facebook posts, mostly because I want to have it in a place where it's easy for me to share--

While recently counseling a former employee, I shared something that really changed my outlook on God and life and problems. I don't claim to be the original thought maker, but I don't remember anyone putting it to me this way--it's just how it came together for me. I may have shared bits and pieces over the last year, and if you counseled me, you may notice some of your thoughts mixed in...

I've heard my whole life that God won't ever give you more than you can handle. I am now going to tell you that I wholeheartedly disagree with that statement, and that sentiment, no matter how wonderful it may sound. In fact, I think God often allows us to experience more than we can handle--sometimes briefly, and sometimes for a long period of time. I think He does this to remind us upon Whom we are to rely. The longevity and severity of the experience likely has to do with how resistant we are to the message, and what He wants us to do with the lesson.

There are rampant opinions on the subject, most from people much more educated and with more theological standing than me.  However, due to the nature of the internet, and the ease with which one can create a blog, and the fact that you are here reading, you must have at least some desire to read about the Things Scott Thinks About.

A young pastor I respect very much helped my view on this greatly when I was sobbing and asking why I was being punished, and how long would it last?  The basic gist I took from his speaking is that if we look to God as our spiritual Father, then it would be incumbent on Him to dispense discipline as needed for our spiritual growth and well being.

I don't believe for a minute that Heidi and I went through the mess that we went through just to prove how miserable a human being can make himself, given enough latitude. I believe that first and foremost the intent was to get me to the point of relying on God first, and nothing else, and a secondary outcome was (hopefully) to help other people.

My message to my friend I was talking to was delivered gently, but from the perspective of experience. It was not until I stopped being angry at others and at God and trusted that He had a greater plan than what I knew that I started to garner some peace, and ultimately some resolution. I did not LIKE the idea of being divorced; I did however, ultimately accept it, and prayed to God for understanding and guidance as to how to move forward.

Because I struggle to get this point across, I leaned on the great philosopher tobyMAC, of dcTalk fame, and remembered these lyrics:

"Now when youre down and feelin out
I know ya take it to the Lord
But those times when ya got the clout
Do you take it to the Lord?

When youre outta cash and ya rent is due
I know ya take it to the Lord
But when youre livin large and you got the juice
Do ya take it to the mighty Lord?"

I think, sometimes, that suffering reminds us that we are not as big as HE, and begins to turn our perspective back to one that glorifies Him and His plan.

I hated what Heidi and I went through. I honestly don't even like talking about it all that much, because it's so real and fresh that it's easy to get sucked back into the emotion and negativity and ugliness of it, even just relaying a story.

I do, however, praise God in a big way for where Heidi and I are now, and I know that we couldn't have gotten here on our own, given the path we set upon ourselves.

I hope that makes sense and helps somebody somewhere.